Oprah said

In the past I kissed guys with girl friends. When I was younger it was exciting.

Last year I met a lovely man online. We flirted a little, & had amazing chats. We had a great time comparing our lives. We didn’t discuss the boring specifics of our lives (being internet strangers as we are), but we got to know each other very well.
We met on twitter & moved from chatting on the timeline, to sharing private messages. Once he casually mentioned his wife. But he continued to flirt & be incredibly sweet. Making me feel like I was persuading him into this. Like I was so exciting, he couldn’t resist. I thought he would stop. He’d mentioned his wife. Surely this was his way of letting me know it would go no further.

It wasn’t.
He was not cool or smooth. He was a bit awkward. (I’ve always had a place in my heart for daggy guys.) He made silly jokes. He made me smile. He sent me late night messages to tell me I should go to sleep. He worked long hours, but sent me quick messages when he had a few minutes. He made me feel special. He said nice things about me. He laughed at my jokes.  He always signed off with x’s.

He re-tweeted his wife.

I was curious. I clicked on her timeline. She seemed nice. Normal. She talked about her life. Their life. Their kids. What they would have for dinner.

She brought me crashing back to Earth. This was not a fantasy man. This was not some hero in a romantic comedy. He was not my Joe Fox. He was not going to walk into my book store, or meet me on the top of the Empire State Building. He was at home, with his wife & kids. Helping the kids with their homework. Taking the dog for a walk. Working long hours for them.

I know people who say social-networking friends aren’t real. They scoff at the idea of us caring about people we only know on twitter. I have never touched this man. We never met. I don’t even know what he looks like. So by this logic, it wasn’t real. We did nothing wrong.

Oprah said it’s cheating if you are doing something you wouldn’t do in front of your partner.

I don’t know how anyone else would define what we did. What we had.

It was real to me.

And it will never be real

i won!!!!

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 the lovely Larry Emdur is sending me $10, cos i won his competition. totally made my day. i already admire the guy, now i think he’s lovely too

Hottie

The hot guy was at work today. Yay! I really enjoy his visits. Our workplace is mostly women, so it’s a nice bonus to have a hottie to talk to. Look at. Gaze at. Stare at. Daydream about…. Sorry, where were we?

I’ve known this man for about a year, he is very intelligent, interesting & inspirational. I love talking with him, he’s lived overseas & experienced many things. He has a great rapport with kids and teachers. I’ve even watched him politely & nicely persuade a repairman to hurry up, & get to his house. He even had the guy smiling & laughing as he agreed to go there next.

When we have our one-on-one meetings, we tend to get off topic. I can see the purpose of the things he is introducing, but my ADD takes over when I’m with him. He is comfortable to be around, & I know I can ask him questions about his methods and he won’t take offense.  In our first meeting, I asked why we were changing the way we did things, he explained, and then went on to give more information. I said I wasn’t being rude, just curious & he said he knew, & he was happy to talk about it.  

This time I didn’t have any meetings booked with the hottie, so I had to make the most of my time. It’s amazing how often you can ‘bump into’ someone if you keep your eyes open, and move quickly. It’s important to have some amusing commentary to accompany these chance meetings “Oh, hello!… Again!”, “We really must stop meeting like this” or the always funny; “Are you following me?” (Always best to say it before he does.)

We were discussing his meeting schedule, and (already knowing the answer) I said “I don’t have you today, do I?” very quickly he said “No, but would you like to meet when I’m finished with everyone else? I can stay back if you like.” I combined joy, gushing enthusiasm, and thanks into my nonchalant “That’d be great, if you don’t mind staying.”

Throughout the day I managed to position myself where I could see him, or he could look up and see me. But not so much that he (or I) would think I was a crazy stalker.  A pleasant observation I made, was that often when I was just working hard, and not trying to catch a glimpse of him, I would look up to see he had moved to my line of sight. He seemed to go out of his way to position himself near my office. It would seem we had similar ideas. “Yay!!” 

I did manage to do my job, whilst flirting with this man. Well, most of my job.  I’m certain that’s the whole reason multi-tasking was invented. I didn’t lose any kids, none of them even realised that I was distracted. 5 year olds aren’t the most observant people.

At the end of the day, he came to my office to find me, & was a little disappointed when he saw me walking away. I assured him I definitely still wanted to meet. He was sweet & lovely. It’s quite a large office, but he stood right beside me to show me some papers, and found many reasons to touch my arm.

Things progressed. Then just before a colleague walked in, he turned around, saw her, and stopped. I was aware of nothing, and would have continued if he hadn’t stopped. She expressed surprise to find us standing so close together in the office, in the dark. But then she started talking about work. I moved away, & casually sat on the desk. We were both very casual and relaxed about the whole thing. Well, I hope we appeared to be. Moving away did give us opportunities for meaningful eye contact during the rest of our meeting. (We were very professional for the rest of the time).

The colleague asked me to stay, the hottie left, (saying he looking forward to seeing me next time) and I went into a series of long meetings. Yes, over-time on a Friday. I managed to concentrate. Most of the time. I’m very proud of myself for not writing his name, or drawing love hearts on my notes. Being a grown up, means that I am professional at all times.

 Well, I guess he is in love with me. Brilliant!! I wonder if I should call him, or just wait til he comes back to work in a few months.

I’m a Princess too

Last night I watched the Royal Wedding, with 1/3 of the world apparently. I declined the offer to drive 2 hours each way on a Friday night to attend a friend’s party. I didn’t really care that much about the event to struggle through city traffic in peak hour to get there, & then drive home, alone, very late at night. 

I thought I’d probably watch the wedding, or parts of it, until I was bored. I didn’t get bored, I thought it was lovely.

I like to theme my meal with a special event; I ate fried rice & dim sims as I watched the Beijing Olympic opening ceremony, and curried sausages during the Delhi Commonwealth Games opening. As you can see I’m not very traditional with these themes. (I think I just put maple syrup on something for the Vancouver opening ceremony.) So, what to eat for a British Royal wedding? Being very Anglo, I eat English food every day. I don’t really  think my choices for the Beijing & Delhi ceremonies are local foods. After watching a brilliant ep of ‘The Morning Show’ I was craving chicken & champagne. It was some time before I remembered I don’t like champagne (Sam & Larry were just too convincing).  I settled on: bacon & pineapple for hors douvres. Chicken, salads, crusty bread, & pickled onions for main course. I made a lovely port infused chocolate log for dessert. Yes, my evening was proudly catered for, by the 1970′s.           

I was a little worried that I push away people, that I choose to spend time alone rather than with others. This is the sort of thing my mum would say is unhealthy. It’s probably good that she doesn’t know how I spend most of my time if she thinks that’s unhealthy. But just ‘cos I’m alone doesn’t mean I shouldn’t enjoy my time. I saw on tv, that people were dressing for their parties. This may be the first time in my life I wish I had a wedding dress. If I’d gone to a party I may have worn it. I would not have worn it too watch the wedding alone. I’m not confident enough in my mental health to sit at home on a friday night, wearing a wedding dress & watching someone on the other side of the world become a princess. Is anyone that confident?

So I wore my Liverpool FC soccer jersey, & my new pyjama pants. British, festive & comfy.

I was worried that I was being a bit daggy, or even pathetic; having a mini-party alone. But, I reassured myself, it’s not like I put my 7 cats in dresses & big hats (military uniforms for the boy cats). That would be cause for concern. No, last night the part of the royal family was played by my collection of teddy bears. Well, it wouldn’t have been a picnic without them.

Holidays

Thanks to Easter & Anzac Day, the normal 16 days off has become 18. We go back to school on Wednesday instead of Monday. So, as well as having longer holidays, we have a shorter week at work. This is a wonderful psychological boost. Instead of “ugh, I don’t want to go to work, 5 more days til the weekend” it will be “ugh, I don’t want to go to work, 3 more days til the weekend. Yay only 3 days!” then I’ll get distracted thinking about what I’ll do next weekend (and by ‘do’ I of course mean ‘watch on tv’).

I loved a public holiday even more when I was paid for them. Is there anything sweeter than being paid for not working? Being an independent contractor means I don’t get paid if I don’t work, but I still love them. Public holidays, bank holidays, long weekends, they have many names, but as Shakespeare said ”whatever you call them they are wonderful inventions”. Or, something.  

           When I worked in retail, we were paid double time & a half to work on a public holiday. Or paid standard rates to not work. I used my brilliant mathematical powers to calculate that this meant we were only paid half the standard rate to go to work. I tried to explain it to my family thusly: I get paid standard rates to stay home (single time), any day I work I’m entitled to standard rates (added to the other single equals double time). So, by going to work I only get a bonus of half my standard rate (double time and a half). Yeh, they just glazed over when I explained it to them too.  

   I have worked on public holidays in the past. I have a very strong ethical code in this area. I may go to work if it would have been my day off (working some weekends, I often had weekdays off ), or when I was employed casually (& thus, not paid to stay home).  Another factor affecting my decision is the reason for the holiday. I won’t work on family, religious, or days honouring sacrifices made. These are: Australia Day, Labour Day, Easter, Anzac Day (only a half day, bastards!), Christmas/Boxing Day. 

   I have no moral objection to working: New Years’ Day, Queens’ Birthday or Melbourne Cup Day. I also used to love Show Day. A day off to go to the Agricultural show, a brilliant idea. Bloody right-wing government, cancelling Show day. Bastards!

Of course I just refused to work any of them when my job was crap.

I’m not a member of any religion, and would never be. I find all religions interesting as an observer, as a scholar. I don’t believe any religion to be superior. If I could, I’d also refuse to work on non-Christian holidays as well. Last year, my school had a day off for Eid, & my friend at the Hebrew school had both Christian & Jewish holidays off. I do love a multi-cultural society. 

     

Scum

A few years ago a friend of mine was mugged. She was with two other women, and it was daytime. They were in thecity, in a small street, but not in a creepy alley or anywhere dangerous. Being a Saturday, the street was quieter than it is mid-week.

   Around this time there were many robberies with a blood filled syringe used as a weapon. This mugger threatened them with an empty syringe. Every time they moved, the automatic doors of the shop they were in front of opened& cars drove past on the narrow street. No one stopped, or even spoke to them. Apparently the guy was rough-looking and the women were understandably scared, so they did what he told them to.  

As they walked along, only half a block from the church they were going to, a guy crossed the street and asked if they had any money they could spare. Not waiting for an answer, he blocked the footpath, pointed a syringe at them, and told them to give him money. So they did. All three took out their purses, one of them handed her purse to the guy.    He opened it, took out all the money, and gave it back to her. The other two women just took out the money and gave it to him. He was angry with my friend because she only had $20. Maybe she should have considered him when she left the house that night. She was working two jobs whilst full-time at Uni, surely she should carry more money to give to scum like him. 

 He took the money, and walked away. The women stood there for a minute, then quickly ran up to meet their friends at the church. They told their friends what had happened, and some of the group ran down the street to chase him. He was gone.  

           Many things about this incident annoy me. Scum like this guy, who blame the world for their problems, being angry because my friend only had $20 for him to steal, feeling entitled to take what he wants from people. Like the world owes him something ‘cos he’s here. The people who drove past, watching the mugging take place, and not stopping to do, or even say, anything. Also, I’m a little annoyed with the women who were mugged. They just stood there and did what he told them, one even handed over her purse to him. Why didn’t they say no? Why didn’t they turn and run away? There were three of them and only one mugger, surely they could have done something. Why do we let people control us?

When this happened, I felt concerned and worried for my friend and also for my own safety when I was in the city. I was annoyed by scum like this guy, especially his anger that the women didn’t have enough money. But, I wasn’t annoyed that the victims didn’t fight back. My new feelings have resulted from my life in the last few years; I’ve been in an abusive relationship and also realised that my family are mean to me (still not ready to deal with that). Maybe I should have been doing more to stop people treating me badly. Maybe it’s my fault, and I deserve it. Maybe that’s why I see things differently these days.

Jury Duty (part 1)

Earlier this week I had jury duty. I’ve never been selected before, but have always thought it sounded interesting, & I loved the fact that they actually pay you. A few months ago I received a form in the mail that had to be sent back with information like occupation & any reason for being excused from selection. Then about one month ago I recieved details of the time & place that I was required.  Telling people about jury duty is a great conversation starter. Most people have a story about themselves, or others & their experiences. Something I also noticed, was most people have a theory about how to avoid being selected. After the first few stories, I stopped telling people I didn’t want to get out of it, starting to wonder if maybe something is odd about me, & embarrassed to feel so different from everyone else. I’m usually not a person who is embarrassed to be different, and like being unique.

I was a little surprised that so many people didn’t want to do jury duty. They get time off work (yay), & employers are required to pay the difference between juror pay ($39 per day) & regular wages.  They get to go somewhere different for the day, & learn about a place that most people don’t regularly see. I thought this all sounded wonderful, & was a little excited.

When I arrived, I had to put my belongings through the x-ray machine & walk through an electronic scanner,  trying hard not to show that I thought it was exciting. I’ve never flown commercially, or been anywhere with such security. They then asked to re-scan my bag, I tried to not wet my pants as I mentally scanned the contents to find what I could possibly have in there, the re-scan showed everything to be fine. The lady next to me had her sewing kit confiscated.  My ID shows my parents’ address & I was nervous when questioned, but they were just confirming my mailing address, so everything was fine. Walking down to the jury pool room, I fell into conversation with the lady in front of me. We sat together & continued chatting throughout the morning. At morning tea we discovered that we actually live only one street apart.     There were more than 200 people in the room, from all over Melbourne, & I found myself chatting to a neighbour.  We were interrupted by the announcement to come to the main room for a ballot. Yay, first chance of jury selection.